She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
