Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
