Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
