I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
