there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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