haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize