The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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