so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
