i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
