My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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