areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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