Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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