Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My bed smells like the plague
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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