Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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