i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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