i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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