We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
