Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize