I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
