i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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