God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
