I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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