that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
