is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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