every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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