Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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