The maid of honor just puked.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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