Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
