Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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