somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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