i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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