Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
