Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
