So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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