He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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