he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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