whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
