Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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