tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
