its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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