You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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