we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
