booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
