I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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