OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
