I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
