your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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