it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
