He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
