I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
