My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's always time for handjobs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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