that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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