No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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