Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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