I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
