My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
