Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
