wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
