Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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