She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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