I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
