I think i sorta joined a cult last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
