If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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