I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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