thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
