WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
