Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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