so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't turn off my feet"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
